A man does not care a fig about the looks of the one he loves. Once you qualify as good enough, that's all he needs. What he wants is your essence, to feel it in his daily life. Your feelings are his connection to feeling energy. The more your are in your head, the farther you get from your body, your feelings. The further you are in your head, the more tension is created in the relationship.
About sex. Men and women are very different. What turns one person on is often different from what turns another person on. Women tend to find romance and intrigue erotic, and men tend to find the raunchy, ribald, crude, lascivious, and kinky to be erotic. Its hard for us to understand if we are repelled by what arouses them.
If you felt wonderful about yourself and who you are, would it bother you that he has eyes for any woman he finds attractive or sexy, but his heart belongs only to you? What if there is no such thing as a man who has eyes for only one woman though his heart may truly belong to only one woman? What if all men are aroused by many, many women they see in magazines and on the street, but that feeling does not travel to their hearts and souls?
Since you are not used to a man who is so good and giving, what if what you want here in terms of the level of possession of his body is impossible? What if you cannot have his or any man's complete and undivided attention 100% of the time? What if that weren't a good thing?
What if you were to let go of the fear of losing him and let him be who he is which is a man, like all men, who enjoy looking at different women? What if this is the human condition? What if you have an impossible, unrealistic standard? What if you're wrong about a great many things? What if you're right? Does it matter?
Is he entitled to look as much as he wants as long as he's careful of your feelings and his heart and body belong firmly and forever to you? Would it make a difference if every man in the world is like this? Would you then choose not to be with a man?
Are you certain that you are not aroused or esthetically pleased when you see a man in a picture, on a movie screen, or on the street that for a flickering moment you find attractive? Does this affect your feelings for him?
You can only become so comfortable with yourself and the full variety of sexual response and possibilities that you can embrace him as he is though he is neither perfect or manageable by you.
The confusion you are feeling is about your core beliefs, values, and a complete upending of what you know to be true. Please do not expect this to pass quickly. There is a whole new world out there for you to discover, explore, accept, or refuse, and there are whole new parts of yourself that are coming up or re-examination.
What a wonderful journey you are on, and K seems to me to have created the perfect situation for deepening the possibilities of an intimate relationship for you. Whether or not you wish to accept this challenge is up to you!
Give Yourself a Chance
5 years ago