a faltering

July, 2008
I've been feeling upset. I don't want to feel upset. This is all so new, and I'm having conflicting feelings about it. Part of me is aroused by it, especially thinking of us doing it together. I want to do that again.

Another part of me is upset by it, especially thinking about you doing it by yourself even though I know you save it, your orgasms, for me. I'm finding myself thinking about it all the time again.

You told me along time ago that you don't do it when I'm around. Now I'm wondering if that's changed. The thought of you doing it when I'm in the other room feels icky.