You're going to have to separate out the person, K (the soul of K), and the behavior of human being K. You're going to have to separate out any and all behavior from your love for the person. You're going to have to accept him exactly as he is.
As long as he's not blowing smoke into your lungs or forcing you to eat food you don't like, he's just doing his thing. You are going to have to become uncaring of his behavior out of love for the person. You can do this. When you look at him, look at his soul behind his eyes. Look at him with love. His behavior is mostly meaningless.
People can hurt us in many ways, by many behaviors which trigger pain in us. Even if they don't mean to. There is a limit on what one person can do to change his or her behavior for another without compromising him or herself. Some behaviors are destructive - but this is not the case here. His behavior is well within normal bounds.
There is also a limit on what a person can do to change for another if it is not his or her good time. Everyone has his or her own journey. We're all on our own paths. You cannot push or shove someone to a higher state. That creates resistance in them which is worse than ignoring their folly. Every man has foolishness and folly and bad thinking and stupidity and all kinds of things. You must separate this out and see him as another human being. And perhaps he is not more conscious than you. Perhaps he is not on a higher level than you. He is simply on his own path.To truly love him is to let him be. Let him discover his own path.
You on the other hand, if you like his brand of love and his smell and his soul, then bless him and his follies and let them go. Get on with your own path. It is not stuck back there in this issue, I guarantee you. Get on with this. Letting go will enable many other doors to open up.
This pornography issue can heal you if you let it go and feel how it feels to let it go. I even say - EMBRACE IT. It is clearly a path to healing for you. EMBRACE PORN. Learn to love it. Do a 180. See how you feel, nausea and all. Get through loving it. Love what it is. This is. Become a Stripper; take a class. Go ahead.
K is with you and has this folly for a reason. It's not an accident. And I don't believe he's the one who's supposed to change. I believe it's you! I would imagine you will leap another few thousand karmic lifetimes by doing this. Go ahead, feel what it feels like to embrace porn. And embrace K for bringing this to you so you could embrace it.
The pain is the resistance. If you are resisting - perhaps you were a courtesan once; perhaps you were a porn star in some strange land; perhaps your childhood created pain. Let go. Embrace. You are moving forward. You will go nowhere if you stay stuck in "Why".
His head is likely not where I would think it is. Men don't go to the places women do. Don't even go there. Don't go there!!! This impedes my going deeper. Stay with me and my feelings. What's blocking my progress is the part of me that needs to control things. This is what is making me feel yucky.
What if I can't control anything? What if I were floating from moment to moment without any way to affect anything? What if I stopped manifesting for a moment and simply let it be? What would it feel like just to be? What if I could give up caring if K can be trusted and just believe he can? What if I could deeply and profoundly love and accept myself? What if I could deeply and profoundly love K? How would that feel? Instead of asking why and trying to process, imagine myself in a peaceful place. Breathe in and out of my heart.
I don't need you to heal, but I want to heal in your presence. - tinque
The greatest loves are the most challenging, for they force you to grow in the most profound ways if that is what is wanted. - tinque
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tze
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