letters written to:
1. a woman who specializes in sexual healing who I saw regularly between 8/2006 - 1/2007
2. my personal coach, my savior whom I consulted with weekly for a year and a half following the discovery
3. a dear friend who lives overseas
June 14, 2008
I know you're busy and may not have the chance to respond, but if you could, I would be so grateful. Some big congratulations and big hugs and kisses would be nice too. I asked him to show me, and we ended up sharing the experience sexually.
It was fun, and I finally got to see for myself why it is, what it means, or really what it doesn't mean. I told you yesterday that since I can't be in ignorance of it anymore, and I can't tell him what to do, and I wouldn't want to, and I can't pretend it doesn't exist as many women do because for me, it would creep back out from under the carpet eventually as it has, so I had to understand and make friends with it.
I suppose I had to reach a place in my growth where I could do what I did today. The white elephant has finally stopped telling me horrible stories, has finally stopped squeezing me so hard I can't breathe, has stopped fighting me and pinning me down helplessly. He has left the room.
August 10, 2008
I would love to talk to you. Three years almost to the day we first spoke, I have healed. Three by the way is my life path number. I feel a huge weight has lifted from my heart and soul. I feel a lovely sense of freedom, and the energy between K and me is so soft, easy, intense, amazing, and sex has expanded to incredible heights and depths. I did it. I really did it.
August 12, 2008
My dear J,
I feel like a new person. A huge load has lifted. A new wonderful communication has opened up between K and me beyond the porn. It has been quite an experience sharing it with him, opening myself to it and just opening myself.
I can talk to him now about anything. I've continued to ask him questions about this topic when they arise, and he's been open, honest, and loving, generous. It's all very clean. I feel an ease I've never felt before with him or any man for that matter.
Sex is even more amazing if that's possible, and apparently it is. He feels so much happier and not I think entirely because of the porn but because my energy has cleared. I've relinquished the barriers I kept to protect myself. I'm allowing him in. What an incredible thing, all of it. Now I'm helping my friend with the same problem.
Much love, D.
Give Yourself a Chance
4 years ago