December 4, 2008

am I not enough?

I'm not pretty enough. I'm not sexy enough. I'm not (fill in the blank) enough. I'm not enough. Sound familiar?

We all have at one time or another encountered this, more so those who as children did not receive encouragement, support, or love. The voices can be loud, loud enough as to paralyze or certainly impede movement forward whether it be something as simple as a daily task or something as challenging as spiritual growth.

I'm here to tell you that the voices lie. They ALWAYS lie, and it is possible to quiet them. You CAN come to know and own that you are, have always been, and will always be enough, perfect just as you are. That's not to say there isn't room to expand your horizons; there's always a place for trying new things, blossoming bigger, learning to feel better, feel awesome even and most of the time.

How? It's not so much in the doing though acting for yourself will play a role. It's mostly about reprogramming destructive thought patterns, rewiring neural connections so that you can transform from a frightened being, for that is where all this not good enough stuff comes from, fear, to one of power and love. Its also about changing your feelings and opening your heart.

A good place to start is in the little things. It's also being patient with yourself, and most importantly being gentle with yourself, Make a list of all the things you like about yourself even if only a little, from your physical attributes to your talents to your qualities as a human. Look at this list every day, more than once if necessary. Keep telling yourself that everything you wrote is true no matter how much that other lying part of you protests. The more you say it, the more you will believe it.

Every time you pass a mirror, stop and give yourself a big smile. Focus only on the parts you do like if only a little. Ignore the rest, for truthfully others do not see you in bits and pieces anyway. What people see is you as a whole package, mind and spirit included.

Tell yourself that you are beautiful, that you love yourself. You will come to believe yourself about this too. Make a list of all your wants. Write them as choices, as if they already are a reality, in feeling terms. For example, I choose to feel sexy, and I love feeling sexy. I choose to feel calm when my mother or whomever nags at me, and I love feeling calm. I choose to be well read, and I love to talk about what I've learned, and so on. If you can imagine it, you can create it.

Do at least one nice thing for yourself everyday, something that feels good, eg. a hot bubble bath with a glass of wine tubside or curling up with a good book or movie, whatever feels good to you. Be a devilishy bad girl, and have fun doing it.

If you ruffle a few feathers, so be it. It will feel so good to you being true to yourself rather than trying to please others, and you know what, you will find that others will respect you more, and they may very well feel more comfortable with you for being you, authentic. As long as you're not physically harming anyone else, if it feels good then it's good for you.

When the negative voices start to push their way in, gently push them away over and over again. In time they will give up or at least fade to an almost indistinguishable whisper far in the background.

Another parting suggestion is to feel whatever it is you feel, all of it, even if you perceive it as a bad feeling. This is okay, for repressing or suppressing any feeling will only add to your feelings of not being enough, pain. So allow all feelings to flow through you. They will morph. Observe them, feel them completely, and let them go. Another feeling will arise. In time, little by little, baby step by baby step, you can and will feel better, about yourself, about life.

I've been there, fallen into the depths of the deepest abyss, in despair, full of, "I'm just not enough in any way," but there was a little glimmer of hope, so with this desire, a dash of determination, and a large dose of dedication, I healed. I know now that I'm more than plenty, and I feel really, really good, loving, lovely, sensuous, goddess like. Sure I waver here and there, and so may you, but know it will lessen to feeling like a ripple not the tsunami it once was.

Sure it will feel scary, especially at first, but the fear does fade. It really, really does. You too can heal. You really, really can.

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