March 18, 2009

life and love

Life is strange, surreal even. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all an illusion, a dream because it feels so tenuous, and sometimes I feel so removed from it, as if I'm an outsider looking in at all the wonders, all the pain, all of it. Sometimes it feels as if it shouldn’t be at all.

Life is love. We live for it. It’s so much a part of us, stronger even than the power of the fear of death. We rarely give up in our search for it. This feels very real.

Life is full of fear, and it feels just as real, maybe more so than the feelings of love. I feel fear hovering around me much of the time. How encompassing it might be varies from day to day, moment to moment.

Fear can rule you. Fear can drive you, usually into the ground.
Fear, any fear always comes back to the fear of death. So we seek love, and maybe if we find it, we will be saved from the death we so fear or at least be released from this fear. Yet the thought of allowing love in and then to have it yanked away at any time is an awful, awful thought and feeling too, scary, almost as scary as the fear of death because if it's happened to you, you know that's how it feels, like the end of everything.

You can live fearful of the inevitable, endings, any endings, the end, but this is paralyzing, leaving you fearful of most possibilities.
When it comes to love, as much as we crave it, fear can cause us to push love away. You can find yourself avoiding the very thing you want so desperately, the very thing that is life. LOVE.

Fear may be love's opposite, yet it's not its enemy.
You can learn to allow it to help you by allowing it to drive you in the direction you really want to go, into your heart, towards your passions. Instead of fighting the fear, give in to it, feel it fully. It won't consume you. The resistance is what fuels it. If you allow it, it will shift, change into something else.

An extension of this is to live in each and every moment fully. Live each moment as if it's the first one you ever had, one filled with awe and wonder and yes love. You will never get back any of your moments, so relish them, revel in them, love them no matter what they bring.

You have to allow it all, the good, the bad, the yummy, the icky, for it's all good. It all makes you stronger and closer to the peace you seek as well as the love you so wish for within yourself and for yourself. Yes it hurts to hurt, but how else would you know bliss if you haven't felt the deepest of abysses?

If you want something with all you have, anything and everything is possible, for desire allows belief which leads to even greater desire which leads you to the life you have dreamed of. And it will be. Remember that love is what we are born as, what we are. Life is love. Love is life.

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