April 27, 2009


Thinking read analyzing will get you into trouble every time. Each time you ask yourself, "What is he doing? What is he thinking", you are opening the door wide, inviting your lying little gremlin voices in, and they will come in, happily, gladly. They will whisper little nastys in you ear. Those little whispers will become screams in no time. They know your vulnerable spots, and they will find them. They will worm their way in; they will take you over if you let them, and as you know this hurts.

You are at your most vulnerable whenever you are feeling shaky, if only a little bit, and you may not even know you are wavering, not until you find yourself being revisited by whatever it is that triggers you as evidenced by those little friends of yours.

The temptation to give in to those thoughts and analyze a likely non-existent situation is strong. The icky feelings flood in, the thoughts escalate, and soon you're sinking ever deeper into an abyss, spiraling into hell.

You must catch yourself as soon as possible. You can recognize that you're feeling shaky, that you've been triggered, or really you are triggering yourself, and you know because "they" are talking to you.

Know that you are only having these thoughts and feelings like this because you've been thrown for whatever reason, maybe even only a fleeting thought of which you were totally unaware. Know that this is all you, all your stuff, not anyone else's.

We go to these places because they are familiar and there is comfort in familiarity even if it feels uncomfortable as strange and contradictory as that may sound. Opening yourself, being vulnerable is the scariest thing you will likely ever do. Sometimes it just feels too much. Deep down we can feel unworthy, so these thoughts keep what you wish for at arm's length. Or we can feel fear, a fear that it will all be taken away, so if we run interference in the form of these bad thoughts, the analyzing, we won't be hurt by the hurt that is surely inevitable.

THIS IS ALL NONSENSE. This is old thinking. These are old habits.

Indulge in a shaky feeling moment if you wish. Turn the thoughts over a few times if you must, but then recognize them for what they are, silly and unfounded. Laugh at them. Dismiss them. Talk to them. Soothe them, or turn them into a beautiful memory, one that more resembles the truth. Allow the new feelings that arise to seep in and permeate you.

So don't be afraid when those thoughts and feelings come to visit.
Old thinking and old habits won't disappear quickly or completely for that matter. They may come to visit periodically always, but that's okay. Yes they feel unpleasant. Yes it can feel as though you are not progressing or not progressing fast enough. Yes it can be frustrating, but I'm here to tell you that they do diminish with time in intensity, as time between visits grows. When they appear know that it's simply a reminder that there's more work to do. There's always more work to do, and this is part of the journey, and it's yours. This is your life, and it's wonderful.

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